The Invisible Mental Load: Why Country Women Are Running on Empty

Every home runs on a whole heap of unseen work—the lists, the planning, the remembering. It’s the stuff that keeps life rolling along. And let’s be honest—most of the time, it’s women carrying that load.

It’s not just who washes the dishes. It’s who remembers they need washing in the first place. It’s keeping track of when the school newsletter is due, when the farrier is booked, making sure there’s milk in the fridge, everyone’s got clean clothes, bills are paid, and no one forgets Nana’s birthday.

And all that thinking? It’s exhausting.

This constant, behind-the-scenes mental juggling has a name: the invisible mental load. And while others might not see it, women feel it—deep in our minds, bodies, and even our hormones. If we keep going without a break, it leads to burnout, exhaustion, and can make menopause symptoms like poor sleep, mood swings, anxiety, and brain fog even worse.

What’s the Invisible Mental Load?

It’s all the mental and emotional energy spent keeping home and family life on track. It’s not just doing the jobs—it’s thinking about them, planning them, worrying about them, and checking in to make sure they get done.

It includes things like:

• Remembering every school event, footy training, and social commitment

• Planning meals, doing the shopping, cooking the food

• Organising doctor, dentist, and vet appointments

• Keeping the pantry and laundry stocked with essentials

• Being the listening ear for kids, partners, parents, and friends

• Keeping track of birthdays, anniversaries, and family catch-ups

• Managing the calendar, bills, and household maintenance

Even in homes where partners are willing to pitch in, women often still end up as the “manager”—the one holding the big mental checklist.

The Toll It Takes on Women’s Health

Carrying the mental load on top of work, family, and community responsibilities keeps our bodies in constant “go” mode. That steady stress pumps out stress hormones like cortisol, which can lead to:

1. Burnout – You feel worn out, detached, and even small tasks seem overwhelming.

2. Adrenal Fatigue – Though not always recognised in mainstream medicine, many women feel constantly flat, crave salt, sleep poorly, and feel “tired but wired.”

3. Menopause Mayhem – Perimenopause already makes us more sensitive to stress. Add a heavy mental load and symptoms like anxiety, hot flushes, mood swings, and brain fog can really ramp up.

4. Mental Exhaustion – With so many “tabs open” in your mind, there’s no space for fun or rest.

What Can Help?

1. Call It What It Is
Talking about the mental load makes it visible. It’s not “just stress”—it’s a real burden that can (and should) be shared.

2. Share the Responsibility
True teamwork at home isn’t just about doing half the chores. It’s about both partners taking initiative, remembering things, and sharing the mental planning.

3. Take Care of Your Nervous System
Your body needs space to rest and reset:

• Eat well – Protein, fresh veggies, fruit, wholefood carbs, and minerals like magnesium help support your energy.

• Prioritise sleep – Rest isn’t a luxury, it’s essential.

• Move your body – Gentle exercise like walking, yoga, or stretching helps calm stress hormones.

• Find support – Whether through friends, family, or community, don’t carry the load alone.

4. Push for Bigger Change
Policies and workplaces need to better support families with flexible work, affordable childcare, and a shift in expectations around who runs the household.

It’s Not Just You – It’s Cultural

This isn’t about blaming ourselves for “taking on too much.” It’s about recognising that society often expects women to quietly hold the household together. Even with supportive partners, the habit of women being the default organiser is deeply ingrained.

Final Word

If you feel like you’re running on empty, forgetting things, or snapping at everyone—it’s not because you’re failing. It’s because you’ve been carrying too much, for too long.

The invisible mental load is real. It’s time to make it visible, share it out, and give yourself permission to rest. You can’t keep the whole show running if you’re running on fumes.